How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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