I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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