Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
