Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
