ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
