you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
