From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
sex in a hospital.. check
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
