genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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