recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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