Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
