Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you never un-have a 4some
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
