What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
