If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
