I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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