I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
