Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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