would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
