Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Send help, water and tortillas.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
