you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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