...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
