the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
