she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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