Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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