ADVERTISEMENT

• (310): View more from California

  I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.

  Fav 39 1201 1445

  share tweet
  

• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.

  Fav 16 5266 921

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (740): View more from Ohio

  how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?

  Fav 94 4830 1670

  share tweet
  

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy

  Fav 24 1892 4934

  share tweet
  

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Haha. Niice.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  both.

  Fav 46 6345 1205

  share tweet
  

• (517): View more from Michigan

  I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.

  Fav 12 8382 1462

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (208): View more from Idaho

  I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.

  Fav 13 4629 2147

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.

  Fav 8 4328 1320

  share tweet
  

• (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit

  (216): View more from Ohio

  There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.

  Fav 6 3637 963

  share tweet
  

• (334): View more from Alabama

  Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?

  Fav 9 995 1869

  share tweet
  

• (602): View more from Arizona

  Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.

  Fav 4 593 1077

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (954): View more from Florida

  So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?

  Fav 1 812 512

  share tweet
  

• (587): View more from Alberta

  I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country

  Fav 2 697 385

  share tweet
  

• (914): View more from New York

  I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night

  Fav 0 412 409

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (206): View more from Washington

  So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!

  Fav 0 36 4

  share tweet
  

Randomize