Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize