He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
