I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I supernannyed him into submission
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
