This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize