i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
