I could make wine with my vomit
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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