Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
