tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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