You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
