oh god the rape fog is back!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize