Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize