i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
