it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
