Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
