AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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