It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
