My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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