I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
