I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
