is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
