Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
