We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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