he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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