an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
