i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
