Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
