you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
