I hate all girls vehemently.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
