You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize