Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
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