Need sex. Gaining weight.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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