you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
