eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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