i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize