Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
