I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
