I wanna bring you to show and tell
how can u be prego again
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
