Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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