She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
