I didn't shave. On purpose
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
