hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
