Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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